I was in special ed: How the special ed system hurts students

I went to New York City public schools and was in special ed since kindergarten. In 10th grade I was finally in general ed, and I loved it. I had a paraprofessional (para) from 6th grade to graduation. I hated coming to school just to be reminded I'm “different”.

There were a few days in high school when my para was absent, and there was no substitute. I was fine and I loved the independence. Since the end of 10th grade, I begged my mom to terminate my IEP, but the school refused. In my junior year, I stopped going to my related services, which was only counseling. They tried to get me to come, but I never went since.

During my senior year, my last class teacher was absent, so everyone went home because it was the last class. I too went home while my para went to the bathroom. Then the next day my friends asked me “where were you? Your para was looking for you.” Then my para told me I was supposed to wait for her to come back to tell her I was leaving, because she is responsible for me and will be in trouble if something happened to me. My general ed friends never had to wait for anyone or tell anyone anything. I was already 18 and didn't even need a para.

Or another time during computer class when the principal came to observe. My para wasn't sitting next to me, the principal asked my para why she wasn't with me, so next day my para sat next to me. I was annoyed.

I found out what special ed was in 6th or 7th grade, that it was a place for the “different” kids. In 8th grade I asked my dad to take me out of special ed, so my dad talked to the teacher during Parent Teacher Conference, but nothing happened. During my freshman year of high school, I was upset I was still going to have a para and be in special ed. I begged my mom not to have a para.

Just because the official language doesn't use the r-word or the word “slow” doesn’t mean the system isn't perpetuating stigma by separating "normal" and "special" students, which is exactly the very nature of the special ed system. Students themselves have no say in the system, and the laws and policies regarding special ed, while teachers and parents have their voices heard in almost every discussion or platform.